Today I realized I want to be everything, but not necessarily but I accidentally became.
I want to be a writer, show runner, director, producer, actor, dancer, musician, singer, composer, conductor, physicist, astronomer, artist, designer, analyst, programmer, traveler... The list goes on and on. And that's in no particular order!
... Except for a senior desktop technician... Which is what I am right now. Mind you I'm a senior at it--6 years of experience--but it's not really something I do out of passion or ever have.
So where do I start? There's so little time, and so much to do!
I know I can be good at any of these things if I try, but sitting down and focusing and doing just one of them is so hard.
... Yeah, now it just sounds like I need to take Adderall. ;) But I hate for that to be the answer to everything. I don't take it really, because what if I do and I waste my time any way? Well, that's a poor way of thinking. It's hardly a waste! But I feel obligated to be accomplishing more. Like I'm setting myself up for failure--expecting more out of myself than is reasonable. It's okay to just live for most people, but for me... It feels like I should be doing something more.
I mean, look. The last couple of creative projects I've done have been amazing. So why can't I channel that energy into something more than silly arts and crafts? I'm so good at taking my mastery of a wide variety of related skills and putting something together... But I guess I can't do that in a lot of the fields I want to get into. I have to start with one. And that's so hard.
Part of the problem is that I want to be things for the wrong reasons, I guess.
"Great men are forged in fire. It is the privilege of lesser men to light the flame." - Steven Moffat
I want so hard to be so many of those lesser men. I see someone do something inspirational, and all of the sudden he's a god to me. I wish I only knew him so I could respect him, and to know him I must be like him--train in his profession, even.
That's all and well when it's something that's within your reach. But what do you do when you see great men who are far beyond your reach? It's unrealistic to become an actor only to appreciate someone I've seen on the screen, but that won't stop my heart!
I can hardly help that great mean inspire me to follow in their footsteps.
